PGDay Lowlands2024

We all know Postgres is the coolest open source database out there. It's wicked smart, powerful, and has more features than a Swiss Army katana. But if we're being fully honest with ourselves, working with Postgres can sometimes feel like torture in the cruelest of circles in Dante's Inferno.

This talk will rip off the rose-colored glasses and expose all the nightmarish aspects of Postgres that make you question your career choices. The unhelping error messages that make you feel like bad Janet took over Postgres? We're airing those dirty laundry. The 50-line queries needed to accomplish simple tasks? Oh we're going there. You'll wince as we relive trauma from dealing with the vacuum catastrophes, replication lag from hell, and lock timeouts that seem to plague even the grandest of installations. And we'll explore the masochism required to wrangle this beast across major upgrades.

The goal here isn't to bash Postgres into oblivion, but to build acceptance around its flaws and share cognitive coping strategies. Because while Postgres may hurt you, it also loves you - in its own way. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll walk away with zero illusions but unable to quit this relationship.